Day #578 - Pressure
And where it comes from
I’m feeling quite under the weather today: two days of heavy travel with big events at the start and end of each day, and in the heat, has left me wiped out. But still i woke up early worrying about things, including writing here, in this community.
This is peculiar: nobody contracts me to write - i have no legal obligation or demands from anyone. I feel pretty sure that this community is extremely tolerant of my mood swings and eccentricities. And yet i’ve cooked up some pressure.
Use your sixty seconds today to consider any pressure you feel: is it typically pushed onto you, or do you find it inside yourself. Or something else?
Pressure can be good: i take pride in this work, and in my work more generally, including the blog, which i have written most days for fourteen years. So i always feel ‘guilty’ when i take a day off (right this second i feel bad as i can feel myself convincing my own brain that it’s ok for me not to write the blog today…).
It’s probably worth me reminding myself that ‘every day’ is not the thing. The constant striving is what counts. A willingness to be imperfect and in motion. And sometimes that means standing still and just taking a breath.
my relationship with internal pressures/inner critic/inner coach/intuition has evolved over the years. it used to be the case that i thought a harsh inner critic was what kept me on track. i thought that without that guilt, i wouldn't get anything accomplished. then i shifted and began to disregard a voice if it felt harsh or uncomfortable. lately i've started to sit with the discomfort/guilt/anxiety--whatever that internal voice sounds like--and determine if it's valid. when it is, it's as if the tone of the voice loses its harshness.